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I had seen the distress and anger on Mum’s face many times but the events of that night will live with me forever.
The night I am going to talk about is still very painful for me. This is the first time I have been able to talk about my feelings and the night that my brother, Carl, my sister, Lisa and I were removed from our home without explanation.
I was six years old and as far as I was concerned, life was normal. Then one night out of the blue, I was taken from my bed by a total stranger and unaware of what was going on around me.
As I screamed for my comfort cushion, I was placed in a strange car and driven to a Children’s Home. I was totally bemused, and my feelings were in turmoil. I was still screaming for my comfort cushion when I arrived. Didn’t they know that I had never slept without this cushion before?
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I was told by the “Uncle” (as he was called) of the Children’s Home that it would soon be morning, and that I should go to sleep. My only response, and a natural response at that, was: “I want my Mummy, where is my Mummy?” I was ushered to bed, and my desperate cries were never answered. At breakfast I was still desperate to go home, and I told them so. I was on my own. I didn’t know where Lisa and Carl were. Later that day, a lady came to fetch me. I thought I was going home, and so I left willingly. I eagerly got into the car and was given some sweeties. Things where definitely looking better. It wasn’t until we pulled up outside a strange house that I realised that I had been building my hopes up aimlessly. As soon as I entered the house my emotions erupted. “I want Lisa, I want Lisa!” I kept repeating. I thought that if I couldn’t have my Mum, I would at least feel a little safer if Lisa was around. I desperately wanted my Mum...
...Before long, I saw in the distance a huge building with areas of land and several buildings surrounding it. I was later to find out that these were wards accommodating so-called misfits in society. But it wasn`t their fault. They were housed in these wards because society could not accept them. My cousin was a resident of one of these wards and I can still hear her piercing screams. The only crime she had committed was having two children out of wedlock. The car went up the drive and came to a sudden halt. My arm was grabbed and I was led to a door which was opened by a nurse with a huge key around her neck. When I walked inside, she immediately locked the door behind her. As I waited, the officer told the nurse that I had come straight from the juveniles court. They knew I would be arriving ... they had prepared the clinic room...
"Within one twenty-four hour period, Sylvia was given the following quantities of drugs: 2200mg Sodium Amytal and 200mg Amitriptyline. On another day, she was given 400mg Chlorpromazine and 100mg Amitriptyline. Over yet another twenty-four hours, she was given 40mg Haloperidol, 1200mg Sodium Barbitone, 500mg Sodium Amylobarbitone and 100mg Chlorpromazine. Chlorpromazine is a neuroleptic or tranquilliser which was given at the time to treat severe psychoses, manic or hypomanic phases of manic depressive psychosis, affective disorders, tensions and agitation. Among its known side effects were drowsiness, skin rashes, hypo-tension, Parkinsonism, nightmares and blurred vision. Haloperidol, another tranquilliser, was seen as treatment for hyperactive psychotic states, mania, anxiety neuroses and behaviour disorders. Side effects included dysfunction, depression, excessive salivation and pallor. Amitriptyline was an anti-depressant meant to handle all forms of depression, anxiety, tension and psychosomatic disorders. Again, side effects included drowsiness and blurred vision with the added bonus of cardiac irregularities. Also, the drug was thought to reverse the effects of some anti-hypertensive drugs"
...I was thrown on to the bed like a rag doll. There was no mercy shown. His hands explored every part of my body. He would be kissing me and pushing his tongue right into my mouth... I felt unloved and physically sick, and this happened to me every time Mum went out. I felt desperate but without a voice. And I felt worthless. After all, I had been told so many times that I was a dunce... |
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